ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION PROBLEM #2.

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An Australian woman has been "disfellowshipped"(?) from her church until the erectile cheap viagra advertisment she starred in is taken off the air.


The advertisment features a woman who uses her husband's newly erect penis as a step-ladder to reach a cookie-jar over the refrigerator. The actress, Libby Ashby, admits that the ad was in bad taste, but that she needed the money and that her "Visa was calling out for mercy."

I Got Nothing

I'm a day behind, and so I should be writing two blog posts today in order to catch up.

But really. I got nothing.

Usually, I have something to complain about. Or I can walk you through my day, and spit out a thousand words that way. Today, I had the day off, and I mostly laid around in bed watching movies, reading, resting. It was fabulous, I assure you, but not a day I feel compelled to blog about. I suppose I could write a mini-thesis on the superiority of watching television in bed versus watching television while sitting on the couch, but I suspect you have your own Best Way, and my way is just my way. I could give you a review of The Girlfriend Experience, but if you want the tepid reviews, you can read them on Amazon. I could tell you everything I like about Christopher Eccleston as the Ninth Doctor, and the total cuteness/yummy-ness of Billie Piper, but fangirl squee makes for boring blogging.

I've been cruising around Googling "freelance writing" this evening. There's an amusingly vast number of "how to" articles written no doubt by freelance writers trying to generate web content, about freelancers generating web content. If you're not careful, you could fall into one of these black holes and lose every shred of hope you ever had of making a living as a writer. There are several websites that purport to list useful leads for freelancers, mostly for copywriters who can work in person, in SoHo, generating ad copy for the myriad of uninteresting products and services that require dull and uninspiring internet ad copy. I'm reminded of a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and also a documentary I saw about people in some Asian country living in internet cafes, making a dollar per webpage or some sad statistic like that, no doubt writing Nigerian e-mail scams and order cialis spam. Maybe writing code that spontaneously generates Nigerian e-mail scams and cialis spam.

Freelance writing just doesn't seem to be a viable career. It seems sort of like eating celery, where you burn more calories chewing than you actually gain from digesting. And in the end, you have a portfolio full of badly spelled Nigerian e-mail scams and invitations to watch Mandy on LiveWebCam. It's what you do, I suppose, when you Got Nothing. Sort of like what I have today. I don't have any bright ideas for a new poem, short story, or novel. I don't have any bright ideas about brilliant blog posts. I checked my stats today, and the Top 10 Western Dumplings post is my current best-seller. It seems that a lot of people are seeking photographs of spaetzle and soup dumplings. My stats tracker says I should be blogging about unusual foods, not the existential angst of making a living as a writer. I should definitely NOT be posting poetry, or stories from my trunk. I should not be doing book reviews, especially if the books are several years old. Movies out in theaters now seem to be an ok draw. Perhaps that's it. I write about a movie and a weird food, every day.

I could give you a behind-the-scenes on the movie-theater hopping I wrote about the other day. When my friend and I used to spend the day at the movies, slinking from theater to theater, we would first make a food run. I had a huge, black, fake leather purse, and we'd make the rounds at our favorites places to fill the sucker up before seeing the first matinee. Candy. Sodas and chips. Loaded baked potatoes from Wendy's. With chili and cheese and sour cream. Red vines. All loaded into this great big shoulder bag and smuggled into the theater. There were many days when we were the only people in the theater, and we would unpack this disgusting picnic and make pigs of ourselves in the light of the silver screen. We'd eat enough calories to fuel an entire third world village, and wash it down with cold Coca Cola. Little did I know back then that I would be recounting the story in a desperate attempt to Have Something, when I Got Nothing.

This article about freelancing showed up on my Facebook wall today. Among other things, it says that you can't be a writer and have writer's block. You need to be able to sit down and generate copy on demand. You don't have time to be a prima donna. You have to put words on the page in order to eat. However uninspired. However awful and pointless. You have to make the words flow in order to live. If you have to beat yourself about the head and shoulders with a tire iron. If you stay up too late. If you piss everybody off. If you bore everyone to tears. You have to Have Something, because if you've Got Nothing, you'll starve. In a gutter. Without pants. And die.

So, even if I've Got Nothing, I'll write about that.

I'll write about anything. Even nothing at all.

Sexual Frequency

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SEXUAL FREQUENCY
By William Hay
Sitting in my office I’ve often been asked questions about what is normal even in marriage. The most common question seems to have been about frequency.
I did have an elderly patient who was happily married. He complained after a car accident which had caused a mild TBI that he and his wife no longer had sex as frequently as before. He said, “I did it every day, sometimes seven times a day but now at most once a day and sometimes hardly ever.”
He’d been married over 40 years. After my report went out his wife came in with him to see me. English was their second language. He was more fluent and she made a point of saying, “tell him!” Somewhat sheepishly the little man admitted he’d mixed up his English, he’d meant to say week when he said day.
As it was his wife corroborated that they’d normally had sex daily and now it was never more than once a week and sometimes not for several weeks. They were both in their 70’s and very much in love holding hands in the office and being almost inseparable as they left.

Several couples I saw in practice had sex daily for 30 or more years.
Other married couples had stopped having sex for an equal number of years.

If I had to say what was normal frequency based on what I’ve learned in practice over 25 years as a family physician and psychiatrist, and taking thousands of sexual histories from couples and individuals , I’d say that married couples frequently changed the frequency of their sexual encounters because of children and work obligations and health , varying from daily to at least every month or two.
It did seem that when I asked couples and individuals who were married about their sexual frequency that problems of some sort or another seemed to be associated with sex less frequently than once every month or two.

On average most couples most years had sex once or twice a week and that they continued to have sex once every week or two well into their 60 years after 30, 40 or more years of marriage. Young couples could have sex many times in a day early in marriage in their 20’s but later most averaged out while some actually maintained the stamina of the early years with perhaps less vigor. Physical illness was the most disrupting of factors in sexual frequency along with marital conflict.
That was in the older generation. Pre Viagra, pre order cialis, mostly pre or during sexual revolution and most with religious affiliation. That’s still a whole lot of sex. On average anywhere from a thousand to 10,000 times in a long term marriage.
Some of these people might see me for marriage therapy and would say, believing themselves, “I never loved him “ or “I never loved her.” I really would have liked to have been a Jerry Seinfeld or Monty Python bug on their bed room wall.
However, I know that anger and depression cause “ retrospective falsification.” It’s a form of “emotional reasoning”. If I couldn’t stand to make love with him/her today then I could’t have made love to them before. The mind ‘selectively’ forgets what doesn’t serve their present day ‘war’.
Dr. Jay Lifton demonstrated this process as necessary for war wherein the English focused on the most unsavoury aspects of the Germans and vice versa forgetting all their mutual history of friendship when they became enemies. Counsellors commonly lacking training and experience in marriage therapy are a principal cause for breaking up marriages as are the courts where the lawyers and judges accept ‘subjective’ truth and the fallacies of memories over the ‘objective truth’ evidenced in the actual lives of married couples. One might well ask the clever ones what ever happened to the ‘wisdom’ of Solomon.
Anecdotally when I reviewed the sexual experiences of patients having marital problems it was common that the first indication of marital difficulties was often when the sexual frequency reduced to less than once a month or at least seasonally. Routinely asking about sexual frequency it was overwhelmingly evident that those who had regular sex in marriage were happier and healthier individually and as a couple than those who did not. Of course there are horrendous biases in the reporting and in the selection in my practices but that was the overall impression based on asking the questions and hearing the responses. All the the sexual literature I reviewed was itself rife with it’s own set of biases and experimental flaws. Despite this we appeared to be in the same ball park even those out in left field.


It’s simply not an exact science. Given the inexactness of science in the area of sexual communication and the confounding variables of honesty, dishonesty, social acceptability values and memory, I really don’t think there’s anything out there much more authoritative on the whole regarding the normalcy of sexual frequency even in marriages than I’ve commented on here.
It’s fair to say that mostly I encountered men wanting greater frequency and women wanting less but the differences weren’t that dramatic if the couple had no other major problems. Women more commonly wanted it once a week and men in these situations twice a week. There wasn’t a whole lot of dissatisfaction about this either and commonly the desires switched with married men in their 40’s and 50’s wanting sex less than the older women. Physical health was most commonly the determining factor for those in their 70’s.
Interestingly, over the years these self reports changed with more commonly younger women complaining that their male partners were not willing to have sex more frequently. This indicates that the ‘research’ data is in ‘flux’ and again no one truly knows what is ‘normal’ even in marriage and what is common is a fairly broad range. Epidemiological data 10 years old for one region might not have any validity today or be skewed by region, age, race, religion, cultural bias or the times.
The only thing in the end that seemed more fixed than fact was predjudice and bias. This commonly was reflected in the notion of any individual that their ‘desire’ reflected the ‘norm’ and that whatever they wanted whether it was lots or none was somehow the ‘norm’. And of course, nothing could ever have been further from the norm.
And if that’s the ‘norm’ for marriage, the ‘norm’ for singles today is even more abnormal.